By Erin Voss
The New Year is a great opportunity to leave harmful habits and beliefs behind, and to learn and grow. Here are 5 things we think should be ditched and updated for a more inclusive, empowered, sexy year.
OUT: “You don’t need a sex toy, you have me.”
IN: Being open and excited to add things to your play that increase your partner’s pleasure, making sex better for everyone.
Sex toys don’t replace partners, they simply enhance pleasure, often for both partners. This year, let go of your ego and try something new!
OUT: Gendered pleasure products
IN: Presenting toys based on the type of stimulation they provide
Many toys marketed as being for one gender can actually be used on any anatomy, such as “g-spot” toys that are equally great for prostate stimulation, or wand vibes, like the Magic Wand, that can be used on a vulva but can rock a penis owner’s world, too. Also, labeling pleasure products as being for men or for women can alienate and/or cause dysphoria for transgender, non-binary, and intersex folks.
OUT: “Jelly” and other porous sex toy materials
IN: Hygienic, long-lasting, body-safe materials
Plastic-blend materials, e.g. Ultraskyn and “jelly”, can absorb bacteria and cannot be boiled or bleached to sanitize them. If that weren’t enough to turn you off, these materials can break down over time and potentially leach into your body - yikes! The human body is around 99 degrees F. We have seen jelly and plastic-blend dildos literally melt in our storage room that was the same temperature! For AFAB* folks, the vagina is the most absorbent part of the body, while the rectum is the most absorbent part for AMAB* folks. For these reasons, we do not recommend putting these kinds of materials in your gorgeous body, and do not sell them at Jellywink.
100% silicone, glass, and steel sex toys are non-porous, meaning they will not absorb bacteria, and will not break down in your body over time or melt when boiled (never boil a toy with a motor!).
*Assigned Female at Birth / Assigned Male at Birth
OUT: Stigmatizing and infantilizing sex workers
IN: Respecting grown people’s choices about what they do with their bodies
Criminalization and stigmatization of sex work increases violence against workers, because perpetrators know that sex workers are less likely to report assaults for fear of being dismissed by law enforcement or even arrested themselves, instead of getting the support and justice they deserve. The majority of folks working in the sex industry are adults providing consensual sexual services of their own choosing, and do not need or want to be saved, but rather have the autonomy and rights to work legally and safely. And btw, you probably know at least one person who works in the sex industry (escort, cam performer, stripper, phone sex operator, etc.).
OUT: Yucking other people’s yum
IN: Releasing judgment and respecting folks’ sexuality and choices
When you make a joke or judgment about people with a foot fetish or who like to be spanked, for example, there might be someone within earshot that enjoys that particular toy or type of play (perhaps the person you’re talking to - how well do we really know our friends, family, and partners?). Also, even if you consider yourself to be “vanilla,” I’m certain that you have certain tastes or preferences, in bed or otherwise, that others would consider weird.
If it’s consensual and between adults, to each their own! If you struggle with this, check out the book When Someone You Love is Kinky.
Here’s to a year free from judgment, and full of pleasure, wellness, and empowerment!