By Erin Voss
B-holes: the great equalizer! Whatever one’s gender, sexual identity, or genitals, everyone has an anus. So everyone has the capacity to experience the unique kind of pleasure that can come from stimulating that part of our bodies, if they want to.
For some folks, puritan ideals about sexuality and internalized homophobia can provoke shame when engaging in - or even just when thinking about - anal play. At the same time, the fact that anal play is still taboo among some people in our society actually lends to its appeal. It’s naughty, and who doesn’t like to be a little naughty sometimes?
Some receiving partners (the person being penetrated) also may have had not-so-great experiences with anal sex, due to a lack of education about how to make it feel great, having had partners who were more focused on their own pleasure than with making sure that their partner enjoyed it as much as they did, and/or straight up boundary violations.
If you’re interested in exploring - or revisiting - anal play, read on for tips to help you achieve the incomparable pleasure that our buttholes can provide!
The primary things to consider when engaging in anal play are:
- Arousal
- Lube
- Size & Pace
- Hygiene
Arousal
When we get turned on, aka aroused, blood engorges our nether regions, which includes the anus, making that area more sensitive, relaxed, and receptive to penetration. Before anything goes in someone’s butt, I recommend to all of my customers and coaching clients to do whatever gets you really turned on first. For folks with vaginas, that could be using a vibrator or dildo, fingering, or vaginal sex with your partner. For folks with penises that might be jerking off, using a vibrator on your dick, or receiving oral sex from a partner. For anyone, rimming, aka eating ass (mouth on anus), can be extremely arousing and a great transition into penetration (if penetration is your goal - external anal stimulation can be fantastic on its own).
Lube
The anus does not self-lubricate, so it is imperative to use plenty of good-quality lube whenever inserting anything into one’s ass.
Swiss Navy and Wicked Ultra silicone lubes are ideal for anal sex - silicone is super slippery and long lasting. Uberlube silicone lube also has a great glide and is less greasy, but may need to be reapplied if you’re at it for a while. If using silicone plugs or dildos anally, opt for a water based or hybrid lube (won’t damage the toy’s texture), such as Slow Sex Anal Play Gel or Sliquid Silk.
Size & Pace
Sometimes our eyes are bigger than our butts. You might see that 8” long, 2.5” wide dildo and want it inside of you RIGHT NOW. But the anus needs time to warm up and stretch, so cool your jets. I recommend starting with a finger, then two, and so on. Anal trainer kits are another way to achieve this. It’s also super important to go slowly. This is the only time I’m a proponent of the phrase “just the tip.” I also recommend that beginner receiving partners start on top - this way you are in control of how deep and fast things go.
This is a good time to mention that you should never, ever insert anything into your butt that does not have a flared base (much wider than the part going in). It can get sucked into your rectum and, yes, you will have to go to the ER to have it extracted. Nurses have enough to deal with already, don’t make them pull a banana out of your ass. So - no household objects up the butt, ok?
Hygiene
“But that’s where poop comes from!” Yes, it is. But that doesn’t mean anal play is inherently messy. If you are concerned about the presence of fecal matter during anal sex, I recommend an anal douche. Douching flushes out the rectum, making for a poo-free experience. That said, all types of sex can be messy because, quite frankly, bodies can be a little gross (and wonderful!), so if it happens, be a grown-up about it, wipe it off, and keep having fun.
I hope these tushy tips leave you feeling more confident and excited to explore some booty bliss!
For more in-depth (no pun intended) anal advice and insights, and for the chance to ask your own questions (either in-person or anonymously), sign up for my upcoming Butt Stuff 101 workshop!